


landlocked lovers.

by redhoods



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-04
Updated: 2012-02-04
Packaged: 2017-10-30 13:57:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/332485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redhoods/pseuds/redhoods
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She doesn’t say that she feels lonely with just her and Jace there. She doesn’t have to though, Jace knows exactly how she feels. Izzy is his sister, for all intents and purposes, but she doesn’t quite fill in the gap that’s steadily growing in his chest. Jace wants to smack himself for depending on one person so much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	landlocked lovers.

Jace spends more time trying to figure out when it happened and how he missed it than he spends trying to fix it. He reasons that he’s probably in shock because ‘Hey, the man I love is living on the other side of the city with a man that isn’t me’. Izzy didn’t buy it any more than he does and he’s the one that said it.

Somehow he gets roped into helping with Christmas decorations or maybe he didn’t actually put up a fight against it - when did that happen? Jace feels like he’s missing a chunk of time from his life where everything changed, but it doesn’t take long for him to realize it was his own stupidity that caused him to miss so much. 

Izzy has just roped him into dancing to some cheesy Christmas song, both of them covered in garland and glitter from the tree when a throat clears. Jace jumps, flushing, as if he has something he should be ashamed for, but Izzy just smiles and moves to hug her brother like she hadn’t just had lunch with him the previous day. Jace wonders if this is how he used to make people feel - uncomfortable and itchy in their own skin - and rubs a hand over the back of his next, ignoring the pang in his chest when Alec lets Izzy sweep him off through the halls without even speaking.

How did he miss this?

\--

They’re actually speaking a few days before Christmas. Izzy forces Alec to come by more often, claiming familial custody for the holidays or something. She doesn’t say that she feels lonely with just her and Jace there. She doesn’t have to though, Jace knows exactly how she feels. Izzy is his sister, for all intents and purposes, but she doesn’t quite fill in the gap that’s steadily growing in his chest. Jace wants to smack himself for depending on one person so much.

The three of them agree that presents aren’t necessary, just spending Christmas Eve and Christmas together will be more than enough but Jace sees Izzy hauling shopping bags into her room when she thinks he’s not looking. 

What else does he have to look at anymore?

\--

The twenty-third, Jace overworks himself, taking everything out on a training dummy and the wall and whatever is in his remote vicinity. Even Izzy doesn’t bother him. He hopes that if he can exhaust himself, his nerves won’t keep him awake all night. Or his loneliness.

It doesn’t work.

\--

They spend Christmas Eve sitting on the couches, talking about old times, drinking hot chocolate, and then Izzy puts on old Christmas movies. Jace finds himself sitting between Alec and Izzy, the latter leaning against his side and the former sitting stiffly on his other side. He wants to rest his hand on Alec, lay his arm across the other’s shoulders, see if he stills he has the same relaxing effect he used to have.

He doesn’t.

\--

Jace isn’t sure what movie he falls asleep in but he wakes up around midnight on the couch by himself with a light throw blanket over him. He stares at the Christmas tree in the corner before pushing himself up, hoping he might get a few more hours of sleep in, and finds himself walking to Alec’s room before he even realizes it. It’s a habit he thought he had kicked.

He doesn’t stop himself from slipping into the room though. He doesn’t care if Alec pushes him away, hits him, something. Anything.

He’s getting desperate.

\--

He’s just put his knee on the bed when Alec stirs and Jace finds himself blinking up at the other’s face, a hand wrapped around his throat. His own hand finds its way to Alec’s wrist, gently tugging, “Alec,” he just barely manages to croak the word out and the spell is broken like that. 

Alec falls to his side, breathing heavily, “By the angel, Jace, are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

Jace shakes his head, twisting sideways to look at Alec, “No, I just...” he trails off because he’s not actually sure what he wants to say, but Alec holds up a hand, not even looking at him.

“I know, Jace.”

\--

It’s familiar and not at the same time, being wrapped up in Alec’s arms, his back to Alec’s chest. It feels right in ways the passed few months haven’t. Jace finds himself muttering ‘sorry’ over and over, unable to stop himself until Alec’s hand splays over his heart, over skin and fabric. “It’s okay, parabatai.”

Jace thinks he finally understands what coming home means.

\--

Jace wakes up to red numbers that look like 10:22, but he’s sure that’s not true because Izzy had wanted them up early. Or maybe it is, because he can feel the rise and fall of Alec’s chest against his back, the breath puffing against the side of his neck. “Mornin’ parabatai,” he states, hating the way his voice cracks with the endearment, not sure he can blame that on sleep.

“Merry Christmas,” Alec states, just below his ear and Jace settles in even more, “Izzy said she’s giving us until eleven.”

He nods, only once, twisting in the other’s grasp and burying his face in Alec’s neck. If he only has thirty minutes, he’s going to make the most of them.

Yeah, coming home, he gets it.


End file.
